The Pain
by totoro
Summary: **COMPLETE** Yukiru... sort of. Everyone experiences pain, especially the head of the Sohma family. But what happens when he dies? Can Tohru take his place?! will the secret story of the curse come out?
1. Death

This is my third Furuba fanfic, and I hope you like it!! Ok the weird thing about the first one is, Akito continues telling the story... after... some things happen. I kinda liked the way it worked, so just bear wif me if you don't like it!! Enjoy, ok?! ^^totoro^^  
  
I awoke to the sound of birds chirping outside. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, and stared in the face of a bright new day. The long thin curtains on my window flapped in the cool autumn breeze as sunshine scattered itself across my bedroom floor. A frown tainted my expression as I thought of the day awaiting me.  
  
I dressed, thinking of what I would do today... probably nothing. I couldn't help but think of that horrible face, always smiling. So cheery, yet so oblivious to everything that affected her. My frown deepened. Damn her, sucking our family into her trap.  
  
I strolled out into my living room, which was richly decorated in simple but beautiful art. The room was dark, like I liked it, and I slipped into a the shadow of a corner. Hatori wandered through the house, having heard me get up. "Hatori," I called out, hoping he'll hear me.  
  
"Akito-san, you awoke later than usual today," he commented bringing me the bento he ordered. His bored expression was enhanced by the dimness of the room as he handed me the box. "Let's eat, and then I'll check on it." With that said, he opened the door to the dining room and seated himself on a cushion. I ate quietly, watching the shade play on his features.  
  
"So has it progressed further, Hatori?" I looked at him intensely, and swallowed a mouthful of rice. He brushed the dark hair away from his face for a moment, letting both of his olive-green eyes stare at me for a moment. He sighed as the strands fell back in place. I don't think he could look at me any more than that, and he stared into his food as he answered.  
  
"I think it has. The tests show that the cancer..." he trailed off, looking into my eyes, his tinged with sadness. "The cancer spread to your liver and lungs. Added to your other ailments, this could cause a problem..."  
  
"That is nearly all of my organs, Hatori," I said calmly, as if I didn't care. I hated the façade I put up, the face of Akito was not real... I did care. I didn't want to die. I never asked for this.  
  
Hatori nodded and said nothing. "Make the best of it," he said, a little too gruffly for my tastes.  
  
We finished our meals, and I headed back to my room. Hatori, following a distance behind me, searched through his medical bag to find something. I sat on my bed, and opened the top of my robe, exposing my thin frame, and pale skin. My hair fell carelessly into my eyes. As I raised my hand to brush it away, my breath caught in my throat as a pain shot through my lower abdomen. I gasped in pain and held my stomach, trying to make it stop. "Auuugh! Hatori... Hatori!" I cried out, clutching harder. I fell forward onto the floor, landing in the fetal position. Spasms shot through my legs as I lay helpless, Hatori hovering over me. It was like I was being torn in half, my entire body racked with pain. I couldn't move. The pains shot through me over and over again, and my legs shook and kicked without my control. Thoughts ran through my mind over and over. No one will ever know me... I don't want to die. The memories and faces flashed through my mind as I struggled, panting on the floor. I saw everyone I ever loved, ever hated, ever took advantage of. Watched myself give beatings over and over again to Yuki, watched myself make Hatori erase memories, watched myself die. I could see myself... it was an odd feeling, being outside of your body... watching yourself suffer. Then I returned, the pain shooting through me once more as I was brought back to reality by my leg slamming against the bed. I knew it was broken, the deafening crack filling the air in the room.  
  
As my mouth hung open, I screamed in pain and tried to control myself, but it only hurt worse. Hatori crouched, trying to restrain my arms as they flailed wildly. My stomach seemed to be being ripped out of my body, and my lungs burned. Black waves rolled over my eyes as I continued to scream, and I stared out my window. The light blinded me, and I wanted to reach out and touch it. I was no longer breathing, and slowly my body grew quiet, stilled by the lack of oxygen fueling its rage. Hatori was frantically pushing my chest, but my eyes did not move. My heart did not beat. Nothing worked anymore, and I lay dead under him, staring at him with unseeing eyes. 


	2. Wonderful Day

A smile crept its way over my lips as I awoke, before jumping out of bed and dressing as fast as I could. The sweet air worked its way through the room and I looked at mother, sitting on my dresser. "Kaasan... it is going to be a wonderful day!" I murmured quietly, tying the pretty yellow ribbons into my long hair. The sun gleamed off of it like gold, and I smiled brightly, thinking about how lucky I was.  
  
His face shone as I greeted him, his silvery purple hair haphazardly thrown into place. He wore his old gardening clothes, which were stained from overuse and covered in mud.  
  
"Have you been to the garden?" I asked eagerly, hoping that he would go back later and take me with him.  
  
"That mouse has been there all day," I jumped at the gruff voice behind me. His annoyed eyes were bored already with the conversation.  
  
Yuki sighed as he replied, "At least I haven't had to put up with that idiot all day..."  
  
"You wanna start something!? I can take you!" Kyou grinned as the challenge was made, putting up his guard.  
  
"Ohayo gozaimasu, Kyou-kun!" I hoped that a smile would brighten his day, but his face just turned away, like usual. A tiny twinge of pain shot through my heart, but I masked it and smiled happily at him. Yuki had smiled at me then, probably out of sympathy at the pathetic attempt to cheer up the constantly annoyed redhead. "I'm going to go make breakfast for everyone," I added quickly, and rushed down the stairs, my smile falling into a frown as I turned away.  
  
The smell of cooking rice and beef stew wafted out of the kitchen. "Tohru- kun," Shigure called, dragging out the -kun. "Ohayo." He rubbed his face with his palms as he sniffed the air. "It smells good!"  
  
It had seemed like such a beautiful day when I had awoken, with the sun smiling at me through the window panes, the breeze ruffling my hair. But as I stared out the window, the clouds rolled over the sun, casting a shadow over the earth. I watched the leaves fly by the window like rain, the trees bent in the wind that had kicked up. My smile faded for a moment, thinking that this would make Kyou-kun feel awful today. I could see the white sheets of water that fell in front of the trees in the distance, blocking them from view, as it began to move closer, engulfing everything in its path.  
  
I was staring off into space as the phone rang. I stopped stirring the stew, but heard someone pick it up. I listened to the one-ended conversation from the kitchen, catching little phrases that didn't make sense. I stuck my head out the door, trying to catch more.  
  
Shigure pressed the phone to his cheek, singing into the receiver, "Ha-san! Hello!! What brings the pleasure of this call? You missed the melodious sound of my voice, didn't you?!" he stifled his laugh and waited for his reply.  
  
"I love the way you say my name..."Shigure mocked after a short pause.  
  
Shigure's face became instantly serious, all traces of mocking gone from his voice. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Ha-san..." he whispered. "He's gone? You are sure..."  
  
"No, I'll do it... Ja ne, Hatori," he replaced the receiver and dragged himeself up the stairs. "Yuki-kun..."  
  
I followed Shigure up the stairs quietly, so he wouldn't notice. My mind raced with questions. Who was gone? What was going on? I tried to piece together the words I had heard on the phone, but I couldn't think of anything. I stood at the top of the stairs and watched Shigure knock on Sohma-kun's door.  
  
Shigure said something softly to the boy standing before him. I could see the expression on Yuki's face turn from annoyance to disbelief.  
  
"What?!" he yelled, causing Shigure to drop his head. Shigure said something else, which I still unfortunately couldn't hear, and Sohma-kun's hand rushed up to his mouth, covering it before he could say anything. He rushed past Shigure, stopping as he got to me. He stared at me for a moment with his large violet eyes, which had a look of pleasure mixed with confusion in them.  
  
"Sohma-kun? What's the matter?" I asked him quickly. I didn't want to be ignorant any longer. He sighed softly, and put his hand to my face.  
  
"Akito died today, Honda-san," the violet eyes stared unblinking into mine as he spoke. The wind shook the house, and I could hear the rain splattering on the roof. "He had a seizure triggered by his illness. We are going to see Hatori right now, if you'd like to come," he frowned a little as he spoke.  
  
I my eyes welled up with tears. I hadn't even really met Akito... and he was dead? "Please let me come!" I said, grabbing onto his shirt. A fat tear dripped down my cheek. "I want to go too!"  
  
"Uhn... I'll go call Hatori, and we'll leave when he gets here," he replied, touching my hands lightly with his.  
  
I ran back to my room, and stared out the window as I wiped tears away. I had wanted to meet him so badly, I wanted to help him be happy. But I couldn't now. A tear rolled down my cheek. I didn't even get the chance to get to know him. A small sharp pain pierced my heart as the pouring rain fell across my window.  
  
Sohma-kun knocked on my door, and announced that it was time to go. I hadn't even realized how long I had been sitting here, just thinking of nothing. "Hai," I replied, grabbing my coat. Yuki's hair was now brushed, and his pea coat was buttoned all the way up. All I could do was follow him out to the car, where Shigure sat in the front seat with Hatori.  
  
"So Hatori," Shigure began. "Who is next?"  
  
I wasn't sure what he meant, and glanced at Yuki, who was staring straight ahead. "Sohma-kun? What does he mean?" his head turned quickly, realizing that I asked him something.  
  
"He means that Akito must have a successor," Yuki explained.  
  
"That is a large problem at the moment. Akito wasn't supposed to die yet, and none of the women in the Sohma family are pregnant. They all are either unmarried or not of childbearing age, somehow. I am not sure who will be next," Hatori replied, brushing his hair from his eye in frustration.  
  
"But there must be someone!!" Yuki cried. "What is going to happen?" Hatori stayed silent, probably because I was in the car. I looked at my feet. "We can't just have no one!! Someone has to do it! Why can't we pick a member of the Juunishi?"  
  
Hatori still stayed silent, and I blushed deeply. "None of the girls in the family are old enough to have children, or else they are too old. And we can't pick a Juunishi member, because they already have enough to deal with. I don't know who we'll choose, but if we don't soon, we will all be feeling the true weight of our curse."  
  
I gasped. I hadn't realized it before, but with Akito gone, there was no one to bear the brunt of the curse. I suddenly felt that I had to do something. "I know... I know I do not know the curse, or why this happened to you... and I know that I didn't know Akito very well, or know what he went through. And I know that I don't belong to your family, or have any right to do this. But I also know that I don't want anyone to suffer because of this... I don't want any of you to feel pain because of this. If you would let me, I would replace Akito. I could take on the curse of the Juunishi for you all," I blurted out. I had figured out a way to become closer to Akito, even though he was gone. "I want to," I added, looking into the rear-view mirror.  
  
Hatori's eyes went large with surprise, and Shigure turned to stare at me. I could feel Yuki's eyes upon me, and the car went dead silent. The engine shut off, and the driver turned to me. "Out of the question," he turned the engine, and the car began to roll forward again, the harsh rain splattering on the windshield. "You aren't a part of the family, and I won't allow it."  
  
"Demo... it would be better for everyone. I could do it for only a short while, until someone is born... and you could teach me about the curse. I would love to learn it... please let me..." a smile formed on my lips. I glanced into the rear view mirror to see Hatori staring into my smile.  
  
"You don't realize the full extent of Akito's suffering, Honda Tohru," he said shortly. "I don't want you to go through that, and neither does anyone in this car. No one would. It is very horrible."  
  
"Hai, Tohru-kun! That is what I was going to say!" Shigure chimed in.  
  
"It is not..." Hatori sighed.  
  
"I don't care! I just don't want you to ever feel it! Please give me this one chance!" I clasped my hands together, and looked over at Yuki.  
  
"Please don't do this, Tohru-kun," Shigure said softly, taking my hand. "Be a good girl and don't even think about it!" His dark eyes gazed at into mine, and he shook his head.  
  
"Please!! Please let me do this! I won't let you down!! I want to know how it feels! I want to understand Akito-san! Please! I want to help you all! Let me do this!" I pleaded like I never had before. I really wanted this opportunity to understand the one I so longed to help, the family I desperately wanted to know.  
  
"I really am very opposed to this, Tohru," Hatori said. "There is an incredible amount of pain, and you are not a part of the family..."  
  
"Don't be so stubborn, Hatori." Yuki said softly. Hatori's eyes grew large as the car suddenly stopped. He turned to face us as Yuki added, "Neither was Akito." 


	3. It Begins

It was true. Akito had never been a real part of our family. I ran my fingers through my long periwinkle hair, casting a side glance at Tohru, who was sitting, confused, next to me. Shigure was trying to say something stupid to cover up my last comment, but it apparently wasn't working. I sighed heavily, glaring at Hatori in the rearview mirror. Akito wasn't part of our family and he knew it. His large olive eyes stared back into mine, the annoyance mounting in them with every passing second.  
  
"Ha-san," Shigure's whiney voice finally broke the silence. "You really aren't giving our sweet Tohru-kun here a fair chance!" he laid his hand on her knee, which I promptly slapped away.  
  
"Pervert!"  
  
"I will not allow her to be the head of the family. She can't do it. I won't put her through that," Hatori stated, putting his arm over Shigure's seat and looking back. Shigure immediately nuzzled his face into Hatori's armpit, but straightened back when the latter threatened to throw him out of the moving vehicle.  
  
Frankly, I didn't want to go through that pain again. I remember from once before, when Sohma Atsuko-san had died, the sudden sluggishness, the immense feeling of my soul being ripped to shreds. It was so painful, it hurt like fire burning me with every step. I could barely move until Akito, who had been Atsuko-san's lover, had given himself to us. He had claimed to be volunteering in pure honor of Atsuko, but we all knew he wanted to make himself feel better, since she had been giving birth to his child when she died. He hadn't even married her. He wasn't a part our family at all. "She wants to, Hatori," I shot back. I loved Tohru so much, and if that was what she wanted, then so be it. She would certainly be my hero. She still had no idea what we were talking about, and just stared at me blankly with a gracious smile.  
  
"Sememosen, Hatori-san!" she apologized over nothing, her head bowed slightly. I could see in her eyes how much she wanted to help us. "I don't want to cause trouble! I only want to know Akito a little bit better... gomen nasai..." she forced a smile, and bowed her head again.  
  
Oof, I thought. It felt like I had just been punched in the stomach, which was now tying itself into a knot. I could see Shigure squirming too, so I knew that the pain had to be beginning. "Hatori..." I moaned as I sunk into my seat. "Please... please let her, Hatori... I cannot take this again. We have no other choice," I held my stomach tightly. The pain was like being disemboweled, only it lasted. It just went on and on, ever changing so you wouldn't get used to it. I could see Hatori's eyes close in utter agony, and he squeezed them shut, slamming the breaks.  
  
He made a horrible sound that I had never heard before, and don't quite know how to explain, snapping off his seatbelt and curling into a ball in his seat. Shigure screamed in pain, and I moaned as Tohru sat wide-eyed next to me.  
  
"Hatori-san!! Shigure-san! Sohma-kun!!" she shrieked, touching my shoulder lightly. That slight touch was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. The touch of a normal human when we take on the full curse is like acid eating away at our skin. I screamed, and she drew back, tears streaming down her face. "Gomen nasai! What do I do!? Are you alright?" the tears fell onto the leather seats as Tohru sat trying to think of what to do.  
  
"Alright!" Hatori screamed. "Alright! She can do it! Please do this..." he stretched his legs, trying to rid himself of the pain, but yelped in pain and drew back, slamming his knee on the steering wheel. I whimpered in pain as Tohru sobbed, only caring for us in that moment.  
  
"Arigato! Oh please be alright..." She screeched, touching Shigure, who cried out in pain and slapped her hand away. "Gomen nasai!" Hatori breathed in deeply, gathering all of his strength, and sat up. I was amazed that he could even stand the pain that much. I writhed on the car floor, trying desperately to tear my stomach out of my abdomen. Tears of pain ran down all the Sohma's faces, and tears of fear and confusion played on Tohru's face as rivulets ran down her cheeks. Hatori held up one hand.  
  
"Bring your face to my hand. It will hurt me more than you, but do not pull away. Please, Tohru, be strong," I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed, shutting my eyes. The sound seemed to shake the world, and the rearview mirror shattered, the metallic pieces falling onto the floor and casting a strange glow on the ceiling. As a flash of light filled the car, Hatori groaned and Tohru screamed in pain, the world fading to black in my eyes. 


	4. Sunflowers

The light from the fragments of the mirror threw distorted rays of light on Hatori's expression as he turned to me, holding the palm of his hand out.  
  
The pain was apparent in his face as he fumbled his words, "Bring your face to my hand. It will hurt me more than you, but do not pull away. Please, Tohru, be strong."  
  
I hesitated. How much would this hurt? I wondered, inching my forehead to his hand. He closed his eyes, and began to mumble softly. A rush of energy surged through my body, followed by a surge of pain as his mumbling got louder and faster.  
  
"Hatori...-san! It hurts!! Augh Hatori-san! Stop!" but he didn't stop, just kept chanting over and over. I shrieked in pain as my body leaned forward into his hand more, touching his fingers. He screamed in pain as my flesh touched his. The bright flash of light and agony that coursed through my veins threw me back onto the seat, and the world swirled as I writhed in pain. ***  
  
I ran through the field, the blue sky overhead. The clouds were sparse in the sun-filled heavens, and my light blue dress blew behind me in the warm spring breeze. "Kasaan!" I chirped, running towards the woman with outstretched arms. Her smile dominated her face, and her bright eyes filled with joy as she picked me up laughing.  
  
"Hai, Tohru?" she replied, looking me in the face and petting my hair.  
  
"How much do you love me, Kasaan?" I looked at her face and smiled. I loved her so much.  
  
"Tohru... misomeru... do you know what that means, baby?" she replied, kissing my forehead and playing with the hem of my dress.  
  
"No mommy... what?"  
  
"It means I loved you at first sight. I love you so much, Tohru. Tohru, kawaii!" she patted my head and sent me off running again through the meadow. The tall grass brushed my legs as I scampered through the wildflowers, scooping flowers as I went. I ran faster and faster, in no apparent direction, and the sky was so beautiful. Suddenly, I didn't know where I was. I was lost in a large field of sunflowers, and I saw no escape.  
  
"Kasaan! Kasaan!" I sobbed out, choking through my tears. The tall yellow flowers and open sky suddenly seemed to darken, the clouds rolling over the sun. "Kasaan! Where are you, Kasaan? Kasaan!" The tears poured from my eyes as a ran in a random direction calling my mother. There was no end, just an everlasting row of green stalks. The rain began to fall, first in small droplets, but soon a heavy downpour drenched my skin and clothes, and I couldn't see. I ran so fast down the row, hoping for an escape that never came. I hit the ground, not knowing what I had tripped over, and curled into a ball. I landed hard on my stomach, all the air being blown from my lungs then. So hard to breathe... and the rain kept coming. I was in so much pain. ***  
  
I opened my eyes slightly to find myself still in the car. My stomach was bruised and my insides were being ripped in half slowly. I groaned as a tear slipped down my cheek. I remembered that this had been how it felt that day in the sunflowers. I don't remember how I ever found my mother. 


	5. Visions

I awoke breathing heavily, and staring around me found that I was still in the leather seat, the seatbelt buckle strewn across the car, my legs tangled with it. My knee was throbbing, and I lifted my white button-up shirt. The bruises on my stomach stood out purple against my white skin. I tried to sit, but instantly my energy was drained, and the raw tenderness of my stomach muscles impaired my struggle. I turned my head slightly, gasping from the sharp, stabbing pain in my neck. Yuki had passed out on the floor, and my old friend beside me had sunken into his writers robe, breathless and struggling in a painless sleep. Tohru shuddered, shrunken in her seat, her breaths coming in short spurts. Her little cheeks were flushed crimson, and her soft pink lips were white. She moaned and clutched her stomach. Her shirt, which had been rumpled during the incantation that I had cast upon her, had settled above her belly button. The bruises began forming, and she groaned in pain.  
  
I held out my hand to her, but Tohru flinched, remembering the flash that had followed her cries of pain. My conscience ate away at me, telling me I shouldn't have done this to her, that she couldn't handle it. She looked at me as a tear trickled down the bridge of her nose, landing on her bare stomach. I sat up, groaning as a piece of shattered glass jammed itself into my foot. She shrieked and thrashed in pain on the seat. I started the engine; not bothering to put my seatbelt on again, and slowly continued our journey to the Honke. I winced in pain as I pushed the accelerator, and listened to Tohru's teeth chatter in the back seat.  
  
"Tohru," I said quietly, my voice strained from the immense pain in my throat. "Listen to my voice. Listen to me, Tohru."  
  
She trembled in the back seat, watching me closely with her large blue eyes. A tear crept down her cheek, getting tangled in her hair, and she watched my every move. I turned slightly wincing in pain, and looked at her. Her eyelids sunk lower and lower, and she held her stomach, only whispering silently, "Kasaan... Arigato... arigato gozaimasu... arigato..." as she fell into a deep sleep, leaving me alone for the drive home.***  
  
I stumbled into the Honke, trying to conceal my pain, holding Tohru in my arms, caressing her hair. The rain fell hard across us, soaking her shirt. I removed mine, placing it over her, and walked without looking down. Her breaths came easier now, and she woke slightly, staring at me sleepily. "Gomen nasai, Tohru," I murmured, tightening my grip as she wiggled. "Gomen."  
  
She nodded slightly, going limp in my arms as I slowly made my way home, the other two following us. Shigure walked silently, holding his stomach, the grim line of his mouth faltering with every step. Yuki dragged beside me, holding Tohru's hand and watching her intently.  
  
I lay her down on my bed, letting the soft comforter engulf her frail body. Her rosy face stuck out against the white of the sheets, and she cried out softly, squeezing Yuki's hand.  
  
The rain pattered on the roof as we sat in silence on the couch, waiting for her to awake. I handed each man a pain killer, and stared over the garden watching the falling rain.  
  
Yuki sat on the end of the porch, his legs dangling in the downpour. His frequent checks on Tohru had become slower as the pain medication took effect. He stared into the rain drowsily.  
  
Tohru stirred in the room, her weak moan immediately being responded to by Yuki, who jumped up and ran to her side, barely making it, and grabbed her hand.  
  
"Daijobu, Honda-san?" Yuki probed, touching her face lightly. She shuddered, only staring blankly into his eyes. "Honda-san? Hatori?! What is wrong with her?! Doshite, Honda-san?!" the angst apparent in his voice, he stalked over to me. "What have you done?"  
  
I stared at him silently, making my way to the other side of the bed. Tohru turned her face from Yuki, and to me. I sat in a chair, looking into the beautiful eyes. "Yuki... you were never around when Akito or Atsuko went through this. It is what happens. You can't conceive how much pain Tohru is going through. Tohru," I put my hand to her face, and she withdrew, whimpering. "It's alright, Tohru. I won't hurt you again. I promise," her facial expression relaxed a bit, and I edged my hand towards her chin. She didn't move. I placed a finger under her chin, bringing her face closer to mine, and looked into it. "Tohru, you too underestimated the pain. I told you not to. It hurts doesn't it?" she didn't make any sign of response. "This is what Akito went through. You will make it. Just be strong."  
  
Tohru suddenly screamed, pulling her face away and staring straight through Hatori. He lifted an arm, one finger pointed directly behind him and her other hand flew to her mouth. She curled in a ball and shrieked, terror filling her large blue eyes.  
  
"Honda-san! Daijobu?! Honda-san?!" Yuki yelled, taking her hand. She pulled away, and continued screaming, cramming herself under the blanket and shivering in the darkness she had surrounded herself with. "What's wrong, Hatori?!" He cowered in his chair, confused and miserable.  
  
"This is the curse, Yuki. She sees things that we cannot. We each have our own vengeful spirits, just like Kyou, they just don't reside in us. We only have two forms. She gets to contain all the other forms, but she doesn't change shape, she is simply haunted in her mind by them, constantly tortured. They frighten even the bravest people, make the unshakeable falter. She will be fine. Al the family heads have these visions, but it is just a weak episode," I explained. This was typical, but I didn't understand why Tohru was having so much pain so early.  
  
Tohru cried out again, a scream that could curdle milk. She shivered under the covers, and Yuki rubbed her back. "It's alright Tohru. It's alright," he just kept repeating it over and over, as Tohru continued to scream. She let out one last scream, suddenly flying out of the bed and running to a corner of the room and cowering against the wall as tears poured down her cheeks.  
  
"Gomen nasai! Gomen! Help me, Kasaan! Gomen nasai!" she said again and again, trembling in that place. The water splattered on the floor and she put her hands up to shield her face. She closed her eyes tightly, bracing herself for something. She sat that way for just a moment, and then opened one eye, looking cautiously around the room. A heavy sigh escaped her lips, and she collapsed in a heap on the floor.  
  
Yuki rushed over, scooping her into his arms, and carried her back to the bed. "It's over?" he asked, covering her with the heavy blanket, and stroking her forehead.  
  
"Yes, it is over now. She'll be fine. We'll have to tell her about the curse in the morning, though. Let's let her sleep for now." 


	6. Dissociation

A sparkle of light. My eyes fluttered open, the long eyelashes brushing my cheeks. His wrinkled beige robe stared me in the face and it was obvious he'd been sitting here all night, waiting for me to wake up. I lifted my sore arm to rub my eyes. It was so heavy... like it had ten thousand bricks tied to it.  
  
"Ohayo gozaimasu," I greeted him sleepily, finally gathering the strength to lift my hand. I rubbed my face, and moved my eyes up. He smiled, staring into them.  
  
"Doshite, Tohru-kun?" he replied in his singsong tone. He held out a tray to me, and sturdy hands from behind helped me sit.  
  
"Ohayo, Honda-san," came Yuki's voice. He peeled the covers off of me, and Shigure laid the tray in my lap. "How are you this morning?"  
  
I smiled happily at him. Even my cheeks hurt, but I beamed at both the kind men standing beside me. My dream had been so wonderful last night. "I'm feeling fine! Arigato! How are both of you? I feel like I haven't seen you in a while," it was a strange thing to say since it had only been the night before that I saw them. I stabbed a scrambled egg enthusiastically with my fork, bringing it to my lips. My body ached, and my stomach was wracked with pain and hunger.  
  
"You've been sleeping for several days, Tohru," Hatori walked in with three cups of coffee. My hand stopped midway to my mouth, the egg dropping off it like a stone and bouncing onto the sheets.  
  
"What?! I have been sleeping for that long?! In your bed?!?" I was disturbed greatly by this. "Gomen nasai! I should have woken! I am so sorry for taking up your bed! Gomen!! Gomen nasai!!! Sememou..." Shigure put a finger to my lips.  
  
"Don't worry, Tohru-kun. Hatori slept in the guest room with me," he narrowed his eyes and grinned. "That explains the raccoon eyes, ne?" he pointed to his face, snickering. Hatori sighed heavily, handing me a thermometer.  
  
I blushed, smiling and popped the cold glass thermometer into my mouth, relaxing onto the pillow. "Tohru-kun, Hatori wanted to tell you what happened the other night... he said that you wouldn't remember..." his sentence was cut short by Hatori, who shot him an annoyed look and stalked over to the bed.  
  
"Tohru, do you remember anything from the other night?" Yuki broke the uneasy silence.  
  
"Ano... I remember... no not really," my cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Now that I realize it, it feels so strange to not be able to remember anything from then.  
  
"I told you," Shigure sang out joyfully. Hatori sighed and gently took the thermometer from my mouth.  
  
"Well... you have a fever," he shook the device out and placed it on the bedside table. "You aren't allowed to get up today. You had a slight experience the other night, you wouldn't stop screaming, and thought you were going to be attacked. You will soon have these more frequently, and I have found that the other family heads deal with these visions with dissociation, a process where you are still awake, but your unconscious is dealing with something traumatic. It is an involuntary defense mechanism in your body You don't remember it, therefore your sanity stays in tact. I haven't ever heard of what these visions look like, since no one ever remembers," Hatori paused. I blushed. I wanted to remember.  
  
"Gomen nasai..." I whispered. I figured I should apologize for not being able to tell him what I saw.  
  
"Don't apologize," he said bluntly, and continued. "You will get these more and more. Don't worry. We'll make sure nothing happens to you," he motioned to all the people in the room. I noticed that someone was leaning in the corner, watching me silently. I waved and the being shifted its weight to a different foot. "What are you waving at?" Hatori asked softly, staring into the corner.  
  
"Erm, ano..." I curled my hand into a ball, letting it drop to the bed. "There is someone over there," I blushed. Wasn't there?  
  
Hatori glanced in that direction, checking twice. "No, there isn't. What do you see?" Yuki gazed at the corner, and I blushed. There was! There was!  
  
"But there must be! I can see it moving! It is in that dark corner right there..." I pointed, but realized that there were many large windows in this room... and it was morning. How could there be a dark corner?  
  
"What corner..." Hatori looked confused, and walked over to the place I pointed at. The shape moved out of the darkness. Its red eyes glowed, and I could see its craggy features in the daylight. I gasped.  
  
"Hatori-san! Get away from it!! It will hurt you!" its fangs gleamed in the sunshine, and it uncurled its paw, showing its massive claws. The eyes blazed with fire, and it snarled fiercely. I gasped. I didn't understand how they couldn't hear it. "Please!! Come back, Hatori-san!" I shrieked in terror as it moved closer to him. He just stared at me blankly, not comprehending the danger he was in. Yuki smiled at me, taking my hand. I screamed.  
  
I was awake again. Where was I? I looked up, staring out the window above my head. I looked around the room I didn't recognize. The long white curtains on the door across from me billowed in the breeze and I could see the trees through them. I breathed heavily, and looked down. The white sheets were stained red, the blanket pushed away. My yellow pajamas were also crimson, and I lifted a sleeve. I gasped as I stared at the deep, seeping gashes on my arms. Hatori popped into my mind. What had happened to Hatori?! "Hatori-san?! Sohma-kun?! Shigure-san!! Hatori-san!" I cried out, hoping I was still within their hearing range. When no one replied, I stood, ignoring the pain in my abdomen and hurried in the direction of the nearest door.  
  
"Hatori-san!!" I cried, staring into the daylight. My stomach ached, and I lifted the bodice of my shirt, only to find dark purple bruises across it. I lifted the hem of my pants, and looked at the fingernail marks all over my legs. I touched my face. "Ahh..." I moaned in pain as I reached my cheek. It was swollen to twice the size of normal, and I could see the discoloration of the area around my eye. What had happened? Where was I? Where is everyone? The questions raced through my head as I searched for another human being in this unknown place. 


	7. The Curse

"Hatori-san! Daijobu, Hatori-san?! Where is everyone? Hatori-san?" I heard her cries from the garden I had begun to make here. It was Akito's old home. "Hatori-san? Sohma-kun?!" the sweet voice pieced the air frantically, and I could hear the footsteps nearing in the grass.  
  
"Honda-san? Over here! It's alright! Honda-san?" I looked up to see her coming towards me in her pajamas. They were smeared with blood, and her face was swollen from where she tried to hurt herself the other night. She wobbled over to me, and fell to her knees, her body shaking with sobs. "Gomen nasai, Honda-san!" I jumped up and caught her torso, making sure her injured face wouldn't touch the ground. "Let's get you inside, and I'll get Hatori."  
  
"No! Where are we?! I want to go home! Tell me, Sohma-kun! Where are we?! How did I get here?!" she sobbed, becoming hysterical. Her breaths were short and punctuated with groans of pain. She clutched her abdomen as I helped her to her feet.  
  
"We are where Akito used to live. It is a beautiful house, and I moved all my things in while you slept. I'll live here with you, and Hatori is just down the road," I reassured her, hoping it would calm her down. No such luck.  
  
"Hatori!! Where is Hatori-san?! Is he alright?" she became frenzied, tearing herself away from me and running to the road of the Honke. "Hatori- san!!" I watched him walk up behind her and take her shoulders in his hands.  
  
"Don't worry, Tohru," he told her shortly, leading her back to the house. Her shoulders shook, and I envied Hatori. Damn it. Did he love her too? I knew Kyou liked her at least a little, and now Hatori?!  
  
I ran up beside them, and took her hand. She gladly accepted my gesture, intertwining her fingers with mine. She clutched it as she moaned with pain, and I stroked her hair. She squeezed her eyes shut as we entered the house, and Hatori laid her back into her new bed. She lay wearily, and stared up through the window. It poured light on her face, illuminating the sudden paleness of her skin. I sat next to her bed and watched her eyes gaze blankly. "Tell me," she whispered as she stared at the blue sky. "Tell me what is going on... I beg you... tell me what is happening to me..." she closed her eyes, but took my hand.  
  
Hatori sighed, and sat in a chair across the room. "Tohru, you are now the family leader, ne?" she shook her head, and he went on. "You are experiencing a lot of pain because of that."  
  
"But why?!" she yelled, with an uncharacteristic impatience in her voice. "Why did this happen to you!? You are such kind people... I don't understand."  
  
"Why don't you tell her the curse," a soft voice came from the door, and I looked up. Kyou was standing on the porch, drenched in sweat and carrying his belongings. His greeting was more of a command than a request, and Tohru smiled at him. "Oy."  
  
There was silence in the room for a moment, and Tohru began to blush, apologizing. It seemed she had returned to normal, realizing the tone she had just taken with an elder. "Gomen nasai, Hatori-san! I didn't mean to be rude! Gomen nasai!" she sat up, but I pushed her back down, propping the pillows behind her back.  
  
Still the room was silent. Tohru stared uneasily at Hatori and Kyou, then at me. "Long ago, in an early generation of the Sohma's, there lived a man named Aku. He was evil, to say the least, and he plotted continually against the gods and our family. There was also a man in our family who was very respected and loved by the gods, who everyone called Chiesha. The wise man was an incredibly devout religious figure, and he prayed to the gods every day for the safety of the Sohma. So far, his prayers had been answered and the Sohma's prospered. One day, Aku watched Chiesha being praised as he walked from the altar after sacrificing a lamb to the gods. Aku strolled over, wanting to be praised as well, and killed a dove in a sacrifice. This angered the people and the gods, and Aku was scolded and punished, for doves were sacred. This infuriated Aku, since his desire for acceptance had not been fulfilled. He stormed out of the temple, and followed the wise man home. When the wise man arrived at his home, he stopped in his shrine to praise the gods for his safe return, and Aku snuck inside his house and waited for him. As the old man walked inside, Aku rushed from a dark corner and stabbed the reputed man repeatedly in the back. Chiesha made no sound as he was stabbed, just fell to the floor. As he died, his last words were "Bless you, and may the gods not punish you for your misdeeds, for you know not what you've done." And as the old man took his final breath, Aku's stomach began to feel as if it were being torn out of him. The pain continued, and he screamed in pain. Several people rushed to the house to find out what had happened to their beloved Chiesha, and gawked at the murdered body and the culprit writhing on the floor. They became enthralled with the scandal, and told others to come. Thirteen people in all came to watch the murderer suffer, and those thirteen, who thought nothing of helping the poor man, became the first to be cursed with the Juunishi. The cat, however, who is not included in the Juunishi, was a man who ran to help the murderer, even when he saw what he'd done. The gods cast a curse on him more than the others, thinking he was just laughing as he wept for the old man and Aku. The gods were so ashamed of their mistake that they did not include him in the Juunishi, but put him in a special category of his own separate from the other cursed ones. Over the years, that category was placed lower and lower because of the cat's third self. Aku was given the task of being the head of the family, and you now experience the same pain as he did. What is amazing is that the family heads are not able to transform us, I think as a means of consolation for their pain and for us. None of the family heads have ever wanted anything to do with us, though. The gods were so angry that they cursed the Sohma family for being so immoral. They cursed the thirteen bystanders with the Juunishi, and gave Aku mental suffering and chronic pain. He had two different personalities, as all the leaders have since. Tohru, it will always be like you have two sides to you. Akito often told me that he had not had control when he was hurting Yuki or one of the others, it was someone else. You may feel this way soon. You will see things, hear things that are not there. We can do nothing for you, and you must suffer for us. I am sorry you have to go through this, Tohru," he ended his story, and we sat in stunned silence. No one really had ever known the story before. Tohru shook with sobs of despair, and she buried her face in her pillow.  
  
"The poor Chiesha! Poor Aku! Poor Neko-san!" she cried and twisted the pillowcase in her hand. "Gomen... Gomen nasai! There is no way to reverse this curse? No way to make it right?!" She wrapped her arms around my neck and sobbed on my shoulder, soaking my silk shirt.  
  
"Don't be sorry, Honda-san," I told her. I hated it when she cried. Kyou stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching the pathetic scene. He stalked out of the room, and I could hear his footsteps on the roof.  
  
"I'm going to go back home. She'll be fine. Make sure she washes her cuts, Yuki," Hatori stated, and left without another word.  
  
I helped her up, and took her to the bathroom. Her eyes were red from crying and she wiped them with the back of her hand. I turned the water on in the tub, and was about to leave when she called out, "Sohma-kun?" her voice cracked and her face was crimson. "I'm too dizzy to undress... will you... ano..." her face flushed crimson. "Help me?" She stared at her feet and I blushed as well.  
  
I smiled at her, hoping she'd think I thought it was no big deal. "Erm... Uhn," she walked towards me, and I lifted her shirt. Her bra was white and her entire body turned bright pink. I steadied her as she slipped off her pants, and her undergarments. I averted my eyes, and helped her into the tub. "Do you want me to stay with you?"  
  
"Hai... gomen nasai, Sohma-kun... I don't want to fall asleep in the bath," she replied drowsily, slowly washing her scratched legs.  
  
I wanted her in that moment, but controlled myself and stared at her sleepy face. "I think I will plant strawberries in that garden out back," I commented, hoping to change the subject back to something cheerful. A little smile danced on her lips.  
  
"Really?! I love strawberries!" she sat up excitedly, exposing her chest. She realized it and sunk down quickly. I blushed and turned away. "Ano..."  
  
"Gomen ne, Honda-san," I stared at the wall, and tried to get the image out of my mind.  
  
"I'm finished," she said softly. The water was red from all the blood that had been washed away, and I grabbed a towel, holding it in front of my face. She took my hand, and stumbled into the towel and into my arms. I looked down. She hadn't come close enough for me to transform. "Sohma- kun?" she whispered, glancing down. I blushed, and helped her wrap in the towel, trying to *calm* myself down.  
  
She stumbled into her bedroom, and I held her with one arm. I went to the unpacked boxes and looked around for a clean pair of pajamas. All I could find was an old robe, and I handed it to her with some underwear. I blushed, and turned away.  
  
She shrieked, and I turned quickly, catching her fall onto the bed, dropping the towel. The terror in her eyes was unmistakable, and I hurried to her side, pulling the covers over her. She screamed again, and I laid next to her, putting one arm over her. She shuddered, and calmed down, shutting her eyes.***  
  
I awoke under the covers, and sat up. I was so tired. That was when I realized I was naked, and so was she. There was blood on the sheets. What happened here? First ran through my head. Oh my god... was next.  
  
Author's note: Aku= evil, and a Chiesha is a wise man. Please review!!! 


	8. Not Myself aka lifesucking freak

I remembered perfectly what happened.  
  
My body was so tired. I felt dizzy and weak, lying in that thin robe under the covers. A voice came into my head. I thought it was Sohma-kun's, but didn't respond. Suddenly, I heard my voice ask Sohma-kun to come and lie in bed with me, to be near me because I was cold. He lay next to me, and I felt myself turn over. I didn't feel like myself, and my body clung to him. I felt drained, and someone placed my hand on his forehead, and my mouth kissed his lips. His body tensed as my hands pulled his shirt off, revealing the pale, warm skin. I was suddenly unable to control my hands. It wasn't me doing this. The voice inside my head laughed. I cried out, but Yuki didn't seem to hear. It was like someone was using my body. I watched his eyes go wide as the hands slipped the tattered robe off my body, and I pressed the palm to his forehead again. My naked body forced itself to his chest, and my fingers shoved his pants around his ankles.  
  
There was a glow surrounding us, and my hand on his forehead became hotter, my skin tingling against his. A flash of light. I watched his eyes droop, my energy suddenly regained as his was exhausted. I screamed, hoping to rid myself of this demon inside me, but it seemed to empower it more. The laugh again. Yuki slept, breathing softly, as the room darkened once again. Somehow I knew he wouldn't remember. I would, however. I would remember how someone else had caused me to trick this beautiful person, so I could steal his life force, his energy. I would remember how I had no control. "Gomen," I cried as a tear trickled down my face, and I continued to feel the energy coming into me through the hand, through my own flesh. This was what would happen more and more. I had to explain. I nestled into him and slept, wondering how many people Akito-san must have done this to. ***  
  
Now I awoke. The clouds shadowed the sun, and I stared at his beautiful face. He sat up abruptly, breathing heavily, nervously. He looked around, his eyes filled with terror at what he thought had happened. He stared at the sheets, covered in my blood. He gathered his clothes from under the covers and shoved himself into them, practically jumping out of bed. I watched silently, my hands moving on their own. We hadn't slept together. That was what he thought. My hands clawed at my arms, ripping holes in them. They had been doing that all night, I myself unable to control them. My original wounds dripped with blood, and it stained the blankets. That was the blood. I heard someone speak for me, a voice unnoticeably different to Yuki. It wasn't mine though. "Gomen nasai, Yuki-kun," the voice said, my lips moving in unison with it.  
  
"Honda-san..." he stammered out, trying to keep me covered. The hands pulled his face in and my lips kissed him. It wasn't me! It was someone else doing this!  
  
"Gomen nasai, Sohma-kun," I screamed suddenly, breaking away. The voice in my head told me to shut up, my real voice breaking through finally. "It isn't what you think! It isn't me! Gomen!" The voice again. Shut up, Tohru. I screamed and brought the covers over my head. I couldn't let this person in me hurt Yuki! I loved him. I had to save him. "Go, Sohma- kun! Leave!" there was no answer, and the tears poured down my face. The voice screamed curses at me and I shuddered. Tearing the covers off my head, I found I was alone again. "Gomen..." I whispered, the screams fading in my mind. I felt strong, but slept again, hoping not to wake. 


	9. Left Out

There are going to be 11 chapters... I really didn't mean for this thing to be so long... it started as a oneshot... bleeeh. GOMEN!!!!! _ _;;;;;;;;;;;  
  
I sat on the roof, thinking of what should happen next. Should I stay here with my hated rival and the one we loved? I had been sitting up here for two days, just trying to figure that out. I grunted as I finished my thought, and moved on to the story I had heard so many times from my mother. No one knew she had told me over and over about Aku and the Chiesha. That was why Yuki's mouth hung open. He thought no one had known the story. I wasn't all that impressed with it. It was an idiotic reason to punish a group of people for eternity. I balled my fist in frustration. Plus, Hatori hadn't even finished it. The bastard.  
  
I hopped off the roof, landing on my hands and feet like the cat I was. I headed indifferently down the road towards his house, with its big garden and huge windows. My stuff sat on the porch of Tohru's new home, somewhat scattered because it had toppled over when I went away so suddenly. I had meant to come back down sooner. I shrugged, walking past. The road seemed shorter since Akito was gone. I hated that guy. I climbed the steps to Hatori's home, and called out. "Oy." He came out and stared at me with that damned grim line of a mouth. "What the hell happened, Hatori?"  
  
He quirked a brow, not getting what I meant. "What do you mean, Kyou," he swiveled in his doctor's chair, turning back to his paperwork. He scribbled something down hurriedly, and glanced back at me. I stood silently, trying to control my anger. He knew exactly what I was talking about. Wait. Maybe he didn't. He didn't know that my mother told me all that stuff either. That wasn't the problem. He knew very well that he hadn't told the whole extent of the curse. Maybe he didn't. Either way, it pissed me off. I stood, the frustration growing in the front of my mind.  
  
"You didn't tell her everything, you jerk!" I burst out, unaware of what I was going to say as I opened my mouth. "There is a way to end the curse, and you know it!" His brow furrowed with frustration, and he took off his glasses, gnawing at the end. I thought agitatedly as my ears showed. I couldn't understand how he could just sit there and be so calm. I would be denying my mistake fiercely, I thought. I wouldn't take this abuse. He remained silent, replacing his glasses.  
  
"You know," he chuckled. "How do you know? Amazing." he just sat, quietly laughing to himself. He stood from his chair and strode over to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. I flicked it away.  
  
"You didn't tell her... why? You think she would do that? She isn't that stupid," I glowered at him as he looked over his yard.  
  
"Tohru-kun is Tohru-kun. You never know what she'll do if she wants to badly enough. Hell, she got us to allow her..." he trailed off. "Lets' not talk about that. I feel bad about that already. I hope she doesn't figure out how to make herself feel better," I nodded, knowing about the energy-exchange she was now able to conduct with anyone, any time. I hoped desperately that she wouldn't hurt anyone that badly.  
  
"You still could have told her. I would have, and I can't see her even having the courage to do that... it wouldn't make sense for her to," I commented absently, lost in thought about what the end of the curse would be like. I couldn't even begin to contemplate the freedom... I'd probably go to school and beat the shit out of Uotoni Arisa since I could then get myself close enough to her to wring her neck. I chuckled softly, causing Hatori to snap out of his trance also.  
  
"I don't want her to know," he said shortly. "I'd rather not take that chance."  
  
"Don't be an ass, Hatori!" he turned quickly, giving me one of his death stares. "You know you would do it. It's because it is Tohru that you won't tell her."  
  
"You know what, Kyou, you are right. I am sorry if I don't want her to sacrifice herself as badly as you do. Gomen nasai," he said sarcastically, turning angrily back to his paperwork.  
  
"Well, it isn't like she would! No one ever wanted to save us that badly, and what makes you think Tohru is any different?! Besides the fact that she is perfectly selfless..." I trailed off, because I could think of so many reasons why she would suicide for our family.  
  
"Souka," Hatori mumbled, rubbing it in my face that I had lost this argument. I grunted angrily and stalked out of the house into the bright sunlight. I stared down the road to catch a tiny shudder of movement in Akito's old house. It hadn't been normal. I thought about looking into the house and shrugged. I was headed in that direction anyway. 


	10. Confusion

I awoke, still slightly dazed from last night. I was alone. My body felt so good. I had never felt this good before. I had so much energy, and all the pain was gone from my body. My next thought was of Yuki. What had I done?! I thought frantically, rising from the bed. I had nothing on. I was so ashamed that this had happened, so horrified that I had caused him pain.  
  
I went through the boxes of my clothes until I found my school uniform which I slipped on. It was comforting to wear it, the familiar fabric brushing my skin. I began my search of the house for Yuki.  
  
"Sohma-kun? Sohma-kun?" I called into the still air. "Daijobu?" I didn't know this house. I opened every door, finding empty room after empty room. "Sohma-kun?" I called again, opening another door. There he was, lying in a heap on his bed. He slept soundly, and I walked to his bedside. I stumbled, making a little too much noise for the situation, and blushed fiercely when his eyelids fluttered open, the long lashes stroking his cheeks.  
  
"Ohayo..." he yawned, sitting up to look at me. His face immediately reddened when it clicked who I was and what had happened. He looked at his feet silently.  
  
"Sohma-kun..." I stroked his hair, bending at the knee. "It isn't what it seems, Sohma-kun," I took his hand, and he looked me in the eyes in disbelief.  
  
"Gomen nasai, Honda-san! I didn't..." he apparently didn't know what to say. "Erm..." his face reddened again, and I looked at him.  
  
"Sememousen. We didn't sleep together, and I know that is what you think, Sohma-kun," my face turned the color of a cherry, and I could feel the heat from my cheeks.  
  
He looked at me with a smile. "Gomen nasai, anyway," he said. I bent and kissed him lightly. I had wanted to do that for a while. He stood, pulling me up and wrapped a hand around my waist. He kissed me softly. His lips were so delicate, the light taste of his tongue inviting mine excited me. The voice in my head was screaming words I didn't know that I knew, and I stroked his hair as he embraced me.  
  
"Honda-san..." he sat limply back down onto his bed. I wanted the kiss to go on forever. "I'm so tired..." he drooped over, his eyes falling as he barely managed to say his words.  
  
"Doshite..." I whispered. "Sohma-kun?!" What have I done?! I screamed in my head, the voice chuckling. My voice cried out, a tear rolling down my cheek.  
  
As I stumbled outside, Kyou jumped off the roof in front of me, landing with a grunt. He didn't seem to notice me standing there, and walked boredly in the direction on Hatori's house. I followed him, trying to muffle my sobs. He seemed so angry I didn't want to bother him. I had to make it up to Yuki-kun. I had to. This wasn't fair. In fact, I wanted to make the Sohma's alright... I wished there was a way, but there wasn't. Hatori-san had said so.  
  
I stopped in the middle of the road as Kyou climbed the steps to the house. I didn't understand how he hadn't heard my heavy footsteps, but it didn't matter. I'm such a horrible person! I sobbed, burying my face in my hands. I started up the stairs to Hatori's, trying to wipe my face and look presentable. There was an awkward silence, and I opened my mouth to greet Hatori-san when suddenly Kyou erupted.  
  
"Don't be an ass, Hatori! You know you would do it. It's because it is Tohru that you won't tell her." His voice was like fire, and my mouth hung open at the mention of my name. What were they talking about?  
  
"You know what, Kyou, you are right. I am sorry if I don't want her to sacrifice herself as badly as you do. Gomen nasai." There was a different tone than I had heard before in Hatori's voice... almost rudely sarcastic. My mind had a flurry of ideas about the conversation, but I couldn't figure out what they spoke of.  
  
"Well, it isn't like she would! No one ever wanted to save us that badly, and what makes you think Tohru is any different?!" My mouth still hung open, and I stood paralyzed. I had been lied to... there was a way... to save them. I snapped out of my daze when the voice began laughing once more, screaming that there was no way to save them. I closed my eyes as I ran across the road and back to the main house, saying a small prayer to my mother. 


	11. Puddles

I could barely keep my eyes open. My body was heavy, like I had nothing left to give to anyone, no energy whatsoever left to exert. I rolled on my side, thinking of the kiss I just shared with Honda-san. She had seemed so normal, like there was nothing wrong in the world. Pain rumbled through my stomach, but it couldn't be the same as what Honda-san had felt. This was mere nausea. I clenched the sheets as a bead of sweat rolled down my forehead, dropping onto my pillow with a plop.  
  
I really do love her, I thought with a grin. I love everything about her. How her hair smells. How her lips taste. Even how she is so clumsy... that is especially cute. Clumsy? My ears perked up and I tried to listen for any sign of Tohru. The house sat in complete silence. "Too quiet," I thought as I dozed.  
  
I started suddenly, glancing at the blood-red letters on my clock. 8:40. It was thirty minutes later than before. I glimpsing out the window. The stars had begun to shine in the early azure blue of the evening sky. The clouds had an orangey-pink glow shining off of them, and I stared through the trees into the sun. Tohru.  
  
My mind clicked back to its original train of thought. It was still quiet, the silence deafening. Not even the crickets or frogs were stirring in the night. I forced my arm to throw the covers aside, and moved my feet to the cold hardwood. I stumbled to the door, thinking only of her pretty face in that moment, the smile lighting up the frame. "Honda-san?" I called into the steadily darkening rooms. She might have gotten lost in here. It is so new to her, I thought. "Honda-san? Where are you?" there was no reply.  
  
I went through each room, growing increasingly more tired as the light faded from the house. Where could she possibly be? I wondered, walking into her bedroom. Empty. I began to move faster, getting more concerned. "Honda-san? Daijobu? Honda-san?"  
  
There was a squeak from down the hall. It seemed so odd though, muffled and high-pitched. "Honda-san?" I smiled, hoping that she had been playfully hinting to where she was. I wasn't really in the mood for this game, but my mood didn't matter when it came to Tohru. I entered the bathroom.  
  
Yet another empty room. Room after room was barren, but still the soft squeaks continued. The house was black, and I had to flip on a light every time I entered a room. I flicked the switch to the study. "Honda-san?" I ignored the fatigue eating away at my body and continued the search. Where was she?! I glanced around the main room, which was lit by the dominating moonlight, closing my eyes in resignation. I walked across the large room, calling her name. Maybe she's at Hatori's...  
  
As I hurried across the main road, I began to notice the little footprints in the gravel. They were hers. I placed my hand it the dirt, and it was immediately engulfed in the road's gray sand. I stared at the stars, hoping for some sort of sign to come. A star flickered, burning out as I stared. A smile crossed my face. That is unusual, I noted.  
  
It hit me. If she were walking barefoot all the way home on this road today... then her footprints would at least be in the direction of where she went. I followed the tracks, which led me hopelessly back to the front porch.  
  
"Kuso..." I muttered, slumping back into the house. As I flipped on the light, I noticed the footprints littering the floor of the room. I followed them to the hall, which was still bare. "Honda-san?" I called, and almost as a reply, a little squeak filled the air. "Honda-san?" I tried again, but there was nothing.  
  
The footprints stopped midway down the hall, but the bits of gravel mixed in with the road's dirt were scattered farther still. Squeak.  
  
I followed the sound to a small door which I had forgotten about completely. It was swallowed up with darkness as I reached for the handle, hoping desperately that she was hiding up there. A soft squeak shot down the stairs, echoing off the wall as I opened the door. The space seemed to fade into the darkest black I could imagine as I gazed up the stairs. As I began to climb, I realized there was no light up here in the attic, no windows either.  
  
I backtracked to the kitchen, grabbing a flashlight and headed quickly towards the stairs. There was a louder moan as I hurried up the stairs.  
  
"Eh..." I mumbled softly. I had stepped in something. What the hell was up here?! If it was some sort of bug or droppings, I would have to sterilize my foot... or burn it... either way. I shrugged in disgust, pointing the flashlight down. There was a small pool of liquid at my foot. "Damn... some animal must be living up here. Honda-san? You probably shouldn't be up here. Are you looking through Akito's old junk? Don't worry about it. Honda-san?" A cry filled the air, and I resumed climbing. The sleep-deprived feeling still itched at my eyelids. I shook my head, groaning as I stepped in another puddle. I reached down, wiping the small drops of moisture up with my sleeve. I'd have to get an exterminator. "Honda-san!" I barked out into the darkness. Her silence was a little irritating, and I reached the top of the stairs. I stepped slowly, and my sock was suddenly saturated with the liquid that was sprinkled all over the floor. "Geez..." I muttered, walking deeper into the attic.  
  
I shone the light around the room, hearing another squeak. I couldn't make out anything, there were too many boxes. I clasped onto a crate, an overpowering wave of nausea hitting. I dropped the flashlight, the object rolling to my soaking foot. I glanced down, gasping at what I saw in the intense light. "HONDA-SAN?! DAIJOBU?!" my sock was completely crimson, the color of blood. I picked up the light and shone it on my sleeve. A small patch of red darkened the fabric. "Oh God... Honda-san!? Doshite!!?!? Where are you?! Daijobu, Honda-san?!" I wished she would answer, frantically rushing from one side of the room to the other, shining the light in the corners. Nothing... I lit the last corner, and heard another squeak emanating from behind a box. I sprinted over, toppling over a box and some shoes. There she was.  
  
Relief filled my heart. She hunched over, shuddering and squeaking at random times. "Honda-san... thank God..." I squatted next to her, smiling. I shone the light on her for a moment, completely forgetting the blood on my sleeve and sock. "Daijobu?" I asked quickly, picking her up. She didn't answer, just shivered in my arms. She screeched in pain as I adjusted her weight, and I figured that the visions had come back again.  
  
"Honda-san, I was so worried! You have to tell me where you are going," my muscles burned everywhere as I ascended the staircase. I stepped in the puddle again. Damnit, the exterminator. I made a mental note to call him as I rolled Tohru's stomach towards me. She shrieked and I laughed. "It's ok, Tohru Hime-sama," I chuckled, glancing down to catch the light yellow ribbon brushing my arm as it fluttered.  
  
I felt so weak for a moment, and dropped to my knees, Tohru jolting in my arms. "Gomen nasai, Honda-san!" I looked down, staring at her face in the well-lit hallway. My eyes narrowed. She was so pale, like death laid its hands upon her. I set her on the floor and she screamed in agony, a scream that could kill. I glanced at her distorted face, and then down at her robe. There was something odd about the deep red-wine color of it. There was a darker spot just on the stomach, and I gasped as I pulled the body towards me. It left a light trail along the floor... a crimson trail leaking from her robe. "Tohru... hime?" I whispered, opening the robe.  
  
Her eyes fluttered for a mere moment, filled with pain. "Kasaan..." she mumbled. The large opening in her stomach bled profusely, and I glanced at my shirt. It was dripping in blood, the white color overpowered by the rich shade. She smiled slightly, and loudly exhaled.  
  
"Oh God! Tohru! Oh God what have you done?!" I closed the robe trying to make it go away. Tohru's eyes didn't move. They were glazed over, and I placed a hand over her mouth. "Tohru! Honda-san!! Oh my God!" there was no breath, I grabbed her wrist, but couldn't find a pulse. The blood kept seeping onto the floor, running down the hallway. My eyes widened as I looked at the little spots of blood all over the walls that I had missed earlier. The spots on the floor, the tiny spots all over the doors. Tears filled my eyes as my polka-dotted world darkened.  
  
"No!! No, Tohru, no! I love you! No!" the face just stared up at me. Pain wracked my entire body as I sobbed, rocking with the body in my arms. "Nande?! God, why?! Tohru!" I screamed, gasping for air, trying to pull something into my lungs except this stale air. I breathed deeply, swaying back and forth with the body, but the house only smelled of blood. The scarlet stream still crept down the hall, moving like molasses. I could feel the wound soaking my entire body like I was in a creek. She was so cold. I wrapped my arms around her, trying to warm her frigid body.  
  
"No, Tohru!" I wailed, clawing at the hair, grasping it tightly in my fist. There was no response like I wished for, and the fatigue stuck my eyelids together every time I shut them to push out the steadily flowing tears. "Hime!" I played with the yellow ribbon, laying the body back down and flopping my head on her chest. The hair sat in the stream of blood, the ribbon slowly changing color. The tears soaked her robe, and I pulled myself up to her face. The expression remained the same, stoic, frozen.  
  
I didn't get to say goodbye, I screamed in my head. I couldn't speak. I had thought she was imagining as we walked down the stairs... but she was dying in my arms. I stared at the grayish pallor, the unseeing eyes staring back.  
  
I kissed the lips that had been so warm and soft earlier, a teardrop falling on them. The lips were cold... unresponsive as I touched them with mine. "Dammit all! Tohru! My... my angel! No..." I whispered as I sat up, staring at the girl.  
  
I pictured the girl popping her tired face out of that tent. I pictured she smile as she exclaimed "I love strawberries!" I pictured her smiling about my transformation. I could still feel the warmth of her hand in mine as we walked from her mother's grave. Who would walk with me to hers? I shook with sobs as I watched her stand next to the lake, and watched her smile in the night when she had tied the yellow ribbon into her hair... so perfect. She had always been right for me. The tears fell to the floor, diluting the blood that stained the wood. I couldn't breathe, and all I could do was stare at her.  
  
Her arm was over her head, the other by her side. Her stone eyes stared at me, and all color had drained from her face. I glanced down again, her robe slightly opened. The gash was still leaking, and was deep into her organs. I put my hand to my mouth, my body retching with dry heaves. Slowly, I reached my hand into her matted, blood-soaked hair, and picked the ribbon out of the mass, untying it slowly, as if I might disturb her in slumber. "Gomen nasai, Honda-san," I mouthed, the tears still falling in rivers down my face. I shoved the ribbon into my pocket, my only sacred reminder of her beauty, and collapsed onto her again, my body quaking with sobs.  
  
That was where Hatori found me the next morning. My clothed soaked in blood, the liquid everywhere, my eyes red and wet from crying. He dragged me off the body, hiding his face. His shoulders shook with sadness. When he could no longer hold it inside, and dropped to his knees, taking Tohru's hand and moaning loudly. I shrank into the wall, burying my face in it and my hands as the tears began again.  
  
The pain ripped through my heart as I stared in tears at my one and only hero, hime Tohru, the one who had saved our family. Hime Honda Tohru. 


End file.
